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Episode 10:  Heart Abundance

In this episode of Your New Release, co-host Kirsten Bombdiggity welcomes therapist and author Diane Cole, whose book Heart Abundance explores healing from people-pleasing, emotional abuse, and self-abandonment. Recorded as the grand finale of the People-Pleasers Mini-Summit, this conversation unpacks how people-pleasing develops, why it feels neurologically “safe,” and how to gently retrain your nervous system to reclaim your life.

Diane and Kirsten explore the roots of people-pleasing in interpersonal trauma, the difference between symptom reduction and building a life worth living, and practical, compassionate steps listeners can take right now to begin changing deeply ingrained patterns—without overwhelming themselves.

Key Points

1. Welcome and Introduction to People-Pleasing (0:00 – 2:00)

  • Introducing Diane Cole and her book Heart Abundance

  • What it means to be a “recovered people pleaser”

  • Why this conversation matters now

2. Where People-Pleasing Comes From (2:00 – 5:00)

  • Emotional abuse, hypervigilance, and self-abandonment

  • How the nervous system learns safety through over-attunement to others

  • Common origins: critical parents, emotionally immature caregivers, toxic relationships

3. Compassion for the Past Self (5:00 – 7:30)

  • Reframing people-pleasing as survival, not weakness

  • Letting go of shame and honoring the version of you that coped

  • Why awareness is the first step toward change

4. Therapy, Coaching, and a Life Worth Living (7:30 – 10:00)

  • The limits of symptom reduction alone

  • Shifting the goal from “less pain” to full self-actualization

  • Why relational health is often overlooked in healthcare systems

5. The “Attune Up” Process Explained (10:00 – 14:30)

  • Moving from anxiety → neutrality → feeling good → expansion

  • Building capacity slowly instead of forcing positivity

  • Using stillness, mindfulness, gratitude, and self-validation as tools

6. Mindset vs. Neurocircuitry (14:30 – 18:00)

  • Why mindset work fails in fight-or-flight or fawn mode

  • How mindfulness restores access to choice and presence

  • Creating safety before trying to “think differently”

7. Self-Gaslighting and Microtrauma (18:00 – 23:30)

  • What self-gaslighting looks like in daily life

  • Repetitive patterns and “quiet” trauma that shape identity

  • How neglect, being overlooked, or emotional absence leave deep imprints

8. Reversing People-Pleasing Gently (23:30 – 25:30)

  • Why going “cold turkey” backfires

  • Preparing the nervous system for success

  • Micro-steps and corrective experiences that build new pathways

9. One Action You Can Take Today (25:30 – 26:30)

  • Interrupting people-pleasing in small, safe moments

  • Repetition as the key to rewiring neurocircuitry

  • Empowering change without needing therapy or coaching immediately

Episode Summary

People-pleasing isn’t a personality flaw—it’s often a learned survival strategy rooted in trauma, emotional neglect, or unsafe relationships. In this powerful conversation, Diane Cole reframes people-pleasing through a compassionate, neuroscience-informed lens and offers hope for lasting change.

Listeners are reminded that healing doesn’t require dramatic leaps or overwhelming confrontations. Instead, slow, steady “attune ups,” corrective experiences, and self-compassion can retrain the nervous system and open the door to a more expansive, self-directed life.

If you’ve ever felt invisible, over-responsible, or disconnected from your own needs, this episode offers both validation and a practical path forward.

Please RATE, REVIEW, and FOLLOW the Your New Release podcast on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Connect with Diane Cole:

  • Heart Abundance (available on Amazon)

Connect with Kirsten Bombdiggity: